You may find that you’ve had enough self-reflection. Enough questioning: who am I right now and who did what when? Enough feelings. Enough or maybe too much. „I can’t do this anymore.“
So take a break!
But how do you actually do that? Let’s assume you’re being flooded by thoughts and feelings about a certain topic from the inside. You feel pulled towards this topic constantly. Whether you’re watering your flowers, driving, or trying to fall asleep: the topic is on your mind all the time and it doesn’t let up.
If that’s happening, there’s a reason for it. Maybe it’s this one: the topic wants to be understood. And now it finally has a chance. Maybe you’ve repressed the topic in the past or didn’t want it to be true. Now you’re treating it differently, and the topic says „finally!“ and floods everything.
(It’s also possible that the topic is especially relevant right now, for example because the current season reminds you of it or because it’s all over the media right now. In that case, the goal is getting through this time safely. DIS-SOS has a good resource for that.) (Edit: here’s another one, this one in German: Kontaktpunkte)
But if the topic is just emerging from inside of you, and maybe you’ve already paid attention to it and now you notice: wow, this is too much for me right now…
Behind that pressure there’s a want and a worry. The want is something like: I want to be seen and understood. I want to be allowed to be here. And the worry is something like: what if you ignore me again?
The good thing is: you can take a break without rejecting and denying and throwing away all the work you already did. Maybe you know that cycle already: intensely thinking about the topic for a short time and then having to shut it down entirely. But there’s a third option!
If you need a break, try saying this (out loud if you’re alone):
I’m overwhelmed and I need a break. That’s a fact about me, not you.
If I’m not okay, I can’t do a good job being there for you either. I’m taking a break so I can return to you when I’m more relaxed and capable.
I’m not denying you. The working hypothesis still stands. I’m letting everything be as it is. But I’m removing myself from the situation right now.
It can help to pick a date when you’ll engage with the topic again and put it in your calendar. Or to write an email to your therapist and tell her that the topic should come up next session. Or to schedule a call with a friend (next week) where you can talk about it. To signal: there will be space for the topic. Just not right now.
And then it’s somewhat like meditation: whenever a thought or a feeling comes up, you react with „not today, but soon“ and gently redirect your attention to something else. Staying active helps. Do you have a hobby that occupies your hands and mind? Can you keep busy with work, exercise, chores? Can you surround yourself with people?
(Feel free to adjust the sentence to something that feels right to you.)
It could look like this:
You’re about to water some plants and just grabbed your watering can. A thought pops up. You say „not today, but soon. Right now I want to water the plants.“ You focus your attention on the puddle of water trickling into the soil, the tiny sounds, the reflection of the sun in the water droplets, the scent of the plants.
Maybe you’ll dream yourself away to the next summer vacation or a walk in the forest. A feeling pops up. You open your eyes, ground yourself visually, and say again „not today, but soon. Mmh, the tomatoes are ripe. I want to use those for cooking today.“ You harvest the tomatoes and focus your attention on how that feels. The tiny hairs on the stalks, the sunwarmed tomatoes and the fine dust on them, that moment when you pluck the tomato from the plant…
You go through your entire day like this. The thoughts and feelings are allowed to be there, but you don’t go deep into them. You have things that you want to do in the present!
Including just relaxing…
It’s okay if you want to just live for once instead of ruminating all the time. Singlets are allowed to exist without constantly stating who they are like some kind of pokémon („Pikachu! No, Flareon! No, Pikachu!“). People who don’t have dark shit in their past are allowed to enjoy life and not constantly think about heavy stuff. We should be allowed, too!
That need is absolutely normal. It’s important to just live sometimes. It actually really helps the entire (nervous) system, too.
There will be time for thinking, feeling, and understanding again, later. Then you’ll be able to pick up the topic where you left it. But right now: just leave it be.
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